The Diagnosis and (Big) Decision
THE DIAGNOSIS
God knew. It didn't catch Him by surprise that I would get a breast cancer diagnosis on March 28, 2023. I knew I had a mass in my right breast. I felt it in January. But being Pollyanna-ish, I was hoping it was a Mammary Duct Ectasia, which can happen in post-menopausal women. After all, why would a "healthy" person like me who eats pretty good, has taken pains to reduce toxins in general, and is moderately active get cancer?
I was in a particularly busy season with work and church and women's group events and commitments, working most evenings and weekends. So I scheduled a mammogram and ultrasound for the first appointment available after my last event.
After both procedures were complete, the doctor came in and wasted no time saying, "I don't like what I see at all. We've already cleared the schedule for you to come back this afternoon for a biopsy."
I remember the phone call the next day. "The biopsy is positive for invasive breast carcinoma," the image consultant said. My heart sank. The dreaded C-word.
My focus stayed on work and preparing for our trip to Colorado that weekend to ski with our children. It would be a good time to get away and be with my family. I found it odd that several people asked if I was still planning to go. I felt fine, and an appointment with a surgeon was already scheduled for the next week, so there was no reason for me not to travel.
Our ski trip in Colorado with our children and grandson the weekend after the initial diagnosis.
The weekend was fun and provided one of the life moments I love - the exhilaration of flying down a mountain on skis taking in the scenic beauty of majestic mountains. It also provided timely laughs and love with our children and grandson that were distractions for my mind and heart that were a bit numb.
Upon our return, Tod (my husband) and I met with a surgeon. If I thought it was bad to get a cancer diagnosis, it got worse. The full pathology report revealed the diagnosis as "Triple Negative Breast Cancer" - the most aggressive type and Stage 2 because the tumor exceeded 2 cm. The surgeon quickly explained the forthcoming process consisting of 5 months of neoadjuvant chemotherapy, then surgery (my choice - lumpectomy or mastectomy), and followed by five weeks of radiation (if I chose lumpectomy). It was a gut punch to think of beginning this journey.
I had not cried up to that point, but tears came when we left the doctor’s office as I verbalized a reaction to the reality of my situation. The faucet didn't turn off for weeks.
BECOMING A CANCER PATIENT
Coming to terms with being a cancer patient was a tough pill to swallow. I would wake up wondering if it were a bad dream, only to remember this was my new reality. I read Psalm 23 with a new perspective. For the first time in my life, I felt I was in a valley of the shadow of death, unsure of the future. I clung to God’s promises to meet my every need, to give me rest, to lead me, to restore my soul, to guide me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake, to know He is with me. To remember I have no reason to fear, that He anoints me, He comforts me, He dines with me, and His goodness and loving-kindness would follow me all the days of my life until I dwell with Him forever.
PRAYER SUPPORT
As friends, family, and co-workers found out, many started praying for me. It was humbling to be “on the other side” being a recipient of prayer. I have had people tell me things like, “We pray for you every morning,” or “I pray for you when I get up at 3:00 am to use the bathroom”! I am SO grateful for the prayers, care, and concern. I have asked the Lord to bless everyone who prays and honor their requests. They are taking the time to pray for me, and I want them to see answers to their prayers for my sake and theirs!
Women who attend Saturated prayed for me and layed hands on me two weeks after diagnosis. Saturated is a group of multi-denominational, multi-racial, and multi-aged women who are seeking God with all their heart.
RESEARCHING INFORMATION
I shifted gears and went into research mode after meeting with the surgeon. Looking back, I can see how God prepared me for this journey. Two years ago, a dear friend from my hometown had shared the Chris Beat Cancer website and Chris Wark’s blog/podcast. In the blog/podcast, Chris Wark interviews people who have overcome cancer through natural means, either from diagnosis, or after surgery, or after a reoccurrence - even stage IV metastatic cancer! I had listened to the stories for prevention purposes and intrigue, but now they gave me hope for my situation. I believe it was a divine gift that I had learned of alternative methods for treating cancer before my diagnosis.
I took time off from work to figure out what would be my next steps. Reciting Proverbs 3:5-6, I continually asked the Lord to keep me from leaning on my own understanding and to direct my path as I acknowledged Him. I researched and scrutinized many avenues and types of treatments.
A DIFFICULT DILEMNA
There was a looming, weighty decision to make. It was probably the hardest decision I’ve ever made - whether to do the neoadjuvant chemotherapy recommended as the first course of action.
At the time of diagnosis, I was jogging, working full-time, doing extra-curricular activities, eating “healthy,” and living a full life. However, I knew I was not really healthy. My sleep had been lacking for over two decades - worsening each year - and I felt it was catching up with me. I later learned the lack of sleep greatly contributed to a poor gut microbiome and a lowered immune response. I knew there were some systemic issues resulting in symptoms such as headaches, which had plagued me since I was a teenager. Sleep aids, NSAIDS, and various prescriptions helped some but did not address the root causes.
Six months before diagnosis, I had taken some functional medicine tests seeking some clues. An Organic Acids Test (OATS) showed indicators of high candida, poor mitochondrial health, being stuck in glycolysis, poor metabolism of fat and protein, and other imbalances. My immune system and gut health were in a sad state.
I knew that chemotherapy would further weaken my immune system and gut, the two main reasons I was probably in this situation. Instinctually, it didn’t make sense to put a harsh infusion in my body each week that would kill the good with the bad. There had to be another way.
Yet, I didn’t want to go the wrong way. I remember Tod saying one evening, “I think we just need to ‘nuke’ it.” A family member said “It’s the proven way to treat cancer.” A friend shared she had not seen people who went “natural” have good outcomes in her medical practice experience.
I felt a sense of urgency from well-meaning people to go with the standard of care. I perceived from the medical field and people who loved me that they thought my prognosis would not be good if I did not get in the chemo chair soon.
My research led me to studies and medical articles that revealed chemo would quickly kill the fast-dividing cells of the tumor (yay!), but would not effectively address the stem cells that circulate and plant in other areas. That is one reason why reoccurrence statistics are high. Additionally, there was evidence that chemotherapy can increase the circulating tumor cell count by damaging the DNA of healthy cells, spurring them to release a compound that stimulates cancer growth. I shared this research with Tod so he could learn alongside me.
FEAR
Fear was continually nearby. The more I learned, the more I took the diagnosis seriously and feared what could happen. It seemed daily I would read statistics and stories of people who lost their life to cancer as I researched. It was sobering.
I started a list of scriptures to cling to. I realized that I had to come to a decision about the scriptures. Would I not only believe the scriptures are true, but also believe they are true for me?
God’s Word became the living Word to me in a new way and grounded me in truth. These gave me hope. My faith continues to be tested, but I believe God will heal me.
This is one of my six pages of scripture statements that I clung to, and I still do.
BREAKTHROUGH RESEARCH
I continued to research, and after listening to an interview between Chris Wark and Jane McClelland, I learned more about the metabolic approach to cancer. Her metabolic approach was developed out of sheer determination to survive when a reoccurrence came and was stage IV. The concept is to starve cancer by blocking all the ways it is fed: the glucose, glutamine, and fatty acid pathways. If all three pathways can be blocked at the same time through a cocktail of nutrition, supplements, and off-label drugs (drugs that have been on the market for years and used for multiple purposes), the cancer would stop growing and die. I sent the interview to Tod to watch, and the science behind it impressed him. He sent it to our girls to watch, as well.
This interview was super-insightful to us. Jane’s scientific approach to starving cancer made so much sense.
It led me to use her “Metro Map” approach to help develop a regimen of diet and supplements to strategically block the metabolic pathways.
A PERSONAL TOUCH FROM GOD
Interestingly, I had collected books on healing in recent years to use in prayer ministry. These books were now ministering to me. One day I was reading a book called The Simplicity of Healing by Dr. Sandra Kennedy. She told the story of a woman who received a similar diagnosis to mine. This woman was stronger than me! She told the doctor, “I reject that.” She walked out and said, “God, I know what they say. What do You say?”
As I read the story, I felt the Lord nudge me, “Ask me.” So, I said, “Okay, Lord. I know what ‘they’ say. They say I have an aggressive cancer, and I need to follow the standard of care treatment. What do you say?” I heard “Joshua 14-15.” Opening my Bible to that passage, I wept. Not just crying. I wept. And wept.
It was the story of Caleb at 85 years old asking Joshua for land to conquer. He stated he felt as young and able as he did at age 40 when they scouted the Promised Land. Caleb conquered the land and had an inheritance for his daughter and son-in-law.
Elated, I said, “God, you’re telling me I will be okay!” It was such a personal scripture for me because I had been praying for the previous five years to be like Caleb and still gaining ground for His kingdom in my latter years. This very personal experience with God has been one I hold on to in believing for my healing and purpose.
“GO IN PEACE”
My next request was “How do I get to my healing?” I cried out to the Lord to lead me. Literally, I cried out. The weight of the decision about chemotherapy was weighing on me. I asked Him, “What should I do?” I heard three times “GO.” I responded, “Go where?”
A few days later when I was in the scriptures, I came to the story of the woman with a blood issue. She had the issue for twelve long years and had spent all her money on physicians, yet she was still sick. Boldly, she stepped out in public to seek and find Jesus. She believed if she could only touch the edge of His garment, she would be healed. When her hand grabbed the hem, power went out of Jesus, and she was immediately healed. Jesus turned and said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you whole. GO in peace.” (Luke 8:43-48)
There was the word GO that I had heard three times. It stuck out to me like it was in neon lights! I said, “Okay, Lord. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’ll GO in peace because You will direct me.” I still did not have a decision about chemo, but I felt peace knowing that He would show me.
Meanwhile, my mother-in-law suggested getting a second opinion. I quickly got a series of appointments at the Medical University of South Carolina (MUSC) in Charleston for April 13, 2023.
My neighbor (and lifelong friend) arranged a prayer time the evening before we went to Charleston. I shared with approximately fifteen people how agonizing it was deciding about chemotherapy. I didn’t want to do it but I would if the Lord told me to. Several women said things that my heart needed to hear. One woman said, “I don’t believe it’s a right or wrong decision. It’s a ‘left’ or ‘right’ decision.” Another said, “You will NOT make the wrong decision because you are leaning on Him to direct your paths.” Another said, “Because of how you feel about chemotherapy, I believe it will take part of your spirit if you sit in that chemo chair.” I told Tod that night I believed I was getting some clarity I had prayed for.
The next day, we met with a surgeon, a medical oncologist (who prescribes chemotherapy), and a radiation oncologist. They did not pressure me to do anything I didn’t want to do. What a relief.
As we were talking with the doctors, I heard Tod say, “WE are not that interested in chemo.” What?! “WE?” He’s with me! I felt stronger inside immediately.
I asked the medical oncologist what advantage chemotherapy would give me for life expectancy. He pulled up data for Triple Negative Breast Cancer for a woman my age. The difference it would make was 6-8% (depending on 5, 10, and 15 year survival rates). What? That’s all? Only 6-8% if I went through five difficult months and many additional months of rebuilding my already compromised immune system and gut? I said to myself, “Me and my God can do better than that!” Those poor statistics finalized my decision. I would forego chemo. Suddenly, a weight lifted off me, and I felt a peace I had not felt in the sixteen days since diagnosis.
I took pictures of the screens for five, ten, and fifteen years survival rates in the doctor’s office.
We met with the surgeon at MUSC, and both of us felt very comfortable with her. I remember asking her, out of all the patients on which she operated, about what percentage did she have to go back in to get clear margins? She looked at me with all seriousness and said, “I. Get. Clear. Margins.” “Great!” I said, “I like your confidence!” This was a big deal to me because we had been warned to find out if the surgeon we select is known for getting clear margins. Some are and some aren’t. She would later perform my surgery, but there were some issues yet to be addressed. More on that in the next blog post!
HIDDEN TREASURES
I realized I was learning things I didn’t know or had not experienced to this degree before. There is nothing like a potentially life-threatening diagnosis to lead one to cry out to God in desperation. Hidden treasures are just under the surface.
I learned having an inner PEACE, no matter what decision is made, is important. For some people, having chemotherapy brings them peace of mind. Everyone’s path and situation is different. Our mind affects our body, and it is proven that our thoughts matter. Having Peace about our path and decisions is crucial.
I felt Peace resting in believing many scriptures. I felt Peace when God confirmed my path.
There is Peace when I meet with God and repent. When I turn my fear and anxiety over to Him. When I trust Him with my circumstances and decisions.
Peace continues to be a treasure I seek.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Isaiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
Romans 8:6
The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.
PEACE. A PRICELESS TREASURE.